An honest word, like a kiss on the face ...

"A good sermon makes a mole hill out of a mountain."

-my wife

 [after I preached a particularly long sermon...]

Book List [what I've been reading lately] ... 4 biographies

Since It's been ages since I've posted one of these ... I did recently just finish this latest set of 4.
You are what your mind eats ...

Love it...

This morning, like many Wednesday mornings, I'm sitting in the church study at my desk typing out emails and sermons notes with my baby daughter on my lap.  Right now she is saying that she "wannas eggies".  But we just ate lunch, so that's not gonna fly.  One Sunday evening, she wandered from her seat in the front up to the pulpit while I was concluding a service and I had to pick her up, finish my remarks and close in prayer while holding my toddler.  Such is life in the Kingdom.  So this morning I couldn't help but appreciate these news photos.  Apparently, even the Pope sometimes has the same challenge, only at the time, he was addressing 150k+ at the Vatican!

Calvin on communion, change management, fragmentation, pastoring, and so much more ...

"We are very pleased that the Lord´s Supper is being celebrated every month, provided that this more frequent observance does not produce carelessness. When a considerable part of the congregation stays away from Communion, the church somehow becomes fragmented. Nonetheless, we think it is better for a congregation [to take Communion] every month than only four times a years, as usually happens here.
When I first came here, the Lord´s Supper was observed only three times a year, and seven whole months intervened between the observance at Pentecost and at the Birthday of Christ. A monthly observance pleased me, but I could not persuade the people, and it seemed better to bear with their weakness than to continue arguing stubbornly. I took care to have it recorded in the public records, however, that our way was wrong, so that correcting it might be easier for future generations."

- John Calvin 

in a letter from Geneva on August 12, 1561 [less than 3 yrs before his death]

Wright with Colbert

···········································································

Stephen Colbert (SC): Bishop, thank you so much for joining us. Now, you are a bishop of the Anglican church, correct?
Bishop N.T. Wright (NTW): Correct, yes.
SC: Okay, great. Well, welcome. Now, I'm a Roman Catholic; no hard feelings about the whole Henry thing. Okay?
NTW: Absolutely.
SC: Let's not try to make this... let's not try to settle any scores. Okay?
NTW: We actually have an annual golf match of Anglicans and Catholics, and I'm sorry to say that they won the first two, but we shared the one last week. So we're getting on alright.
SC: Okay, great. Well that's a good ecumenical step.
NTW: Absolutely. We played for a dogma a hole.
SC: A dogma a hole?
NTW: Go figure, yeah.
SC: That's very nice. Now, you talk a little bit about dogma -- really quite ancient dogma -- in your bookSurprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection and the Mission of the Church. I love the nameSurprised by Hope. I believe that will be the title of Hilary Clinton's next book, also.

 [Laughter]

Please Speak Directly Into the Microphone ...

" ... there is at bottom no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but pointless indifference. . . . We are machines for propagating DNA . . . . It is every living object’s sole reason for being.” 

-Richard Dawkins  [compilation by William Lane Craig]

[photo: freerepublic.com - sorry, I couldn't resist posting the picture, especially when the quote was about man's chief end being to propogate his DNA ... ]

Choose Subversive Sarcasm

For those of my readers not from Maryland [okay, ... hi mom ... and to my other reader from Lithuania, 'Zdravstvuj, comrade!'], a bit of background is in order.  For the last 2 years, Howard County has launched a public niceness campaign based on the Oprah-endorsed book 'Choose Civility'.  The initiative is based out of their award-winning library branches, where I have to admit I do spend a considerable amount of time.  The whole campaign consists almost entirely of handing out free bumperstickers that say "Choose Civility in Howard County".  But because civility is so dependent upon some ethical framework, I find that daily, as I drive to and from work, a miniature Greg Bahnsen appears [poof] on my shoulder spouting presuppositional jabs each time I see the bumpersticker.  So, not wanting to miss an opportunity to declare the postmodern emporers' new clothes of civility to be, in fact, non-existent, here are some humorous parodies I've come up with.  My good friend and creative genius John Barnes was the original inspiration for most of these and you can find his batch of these with a quick google search. 

To see the rest of the collection, click below ...

The Lazy Pastor

Why spend hours in the study when you could be putting in valuable ministry time on the back nine? Any topic; any text; any time. Thousands to choose from. Written by the hottest gurus of mindlessly-entertaining inspirational self-helpism in the industry. Endorsed by Joyce Meyers [via her ghostwriter], Bishop Shelby Spong, Leonard Nimoy, Bob Barker, Dwight K Shrewt, Dr Phil, Every woman panelist on “The View” [except Barbara Walters], Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen’s hair dresser, Joel Osteen’s dermatologist and skintone consultant, Joel Osteen’s cosmetic dental technician, and both Bob and Larry from Veggie Tales.


“Sermondrivethrough.com: Just print and preach!”©

Rookie Pastor - FAIL.!

Recently, the pastoral trainees at Lancaster were joking with the session about implementing a new
church app that would allow the congregants to critique the service and performance of the young guys w/ texts and tweets.  This was too good to pass up without some humor.  Here's my list of the top postings with colorful commentary:


- Spring forward/fall back - starting the service on time # FAIL.!
- Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller’s Day off ‘Anyone … Anyone?” - Appropriate excitement when reciting call to worship # FAIL.!
- Your Playlist sucks - Psalm/Hymn selection # FAIL.!
- Uh, now what?? Remembering to say “You may be seated” after hymn # FAIL.!
- I needed filler – inserting the line “and bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies” without thinking – opening prayer # FAIL.!
- What version is He reading from? Announcing the actual reference without inverting the numbers - Scripture Reading # FAIL.!
- X, Y, Z – remembering to check fly before walking to pulpit # FAIL.!
- Don’t quit your day job - Starting off the “Our Father” on the right note # FAIL.!
- Don’t play poker for money … ever - Keeping a straight face while starting off the “Our Father” when Paul Thompson is in attendance # FAIL.!
- Hang in there, puberty was tough for us all – singing first line of “Glory be to God on high” without voice cracking # FAIL.!
- Milli Vanilli you’re not – lip synching words to unfamiliar hymn while leading worship # FAIL.!
- That’s gonna’ leave a mark – Not tripping up the stairs on the way to pulpit # FAIL.!
- If you thought last week’s sermon was good, wait till you hear it a second time – printing the notes for the right sermon # FAIL.!
- And now to paraphrase – Remembering to bring your Bible to the pulpit # FAIL.!
- Oh, that green button – aka – Oh … That’s why the sound booth guy looked so interested in my sermon - turning on lapel mic # FAIL.!
- Wake me up when it’s over - Opening sermon illustration # FAIL.!
- Well, at least it woke them up – Not hitting and knocking over the pulpit mic when making hand gestures during sermon # FAIL.!
- Note to self – call exterminator to kill chirping crickets in basement – sermon joke # FAIL.!
- Next time, I’ll fire off a cannon first to warn you it's coming – covering mic and turning head in time to not sneeze at 140 decibels # FAIL.!
- Just … stay … focused … not being distracted by ringing cell phone during sermon – train of thought # FAIL.!
- Just … stay … focused … not being distracted by screaming baby during sermon – train of thought # FAIL.!
- Just … stay … fo … uh … oh no! That’s my kid crawling under the pews – ordering your own household # FAIL.!
- Just … stay … fo … uh … oh no! That’s my ring tone! Finding reach-through to pocket in clergy robe # FAIL.!
- “All the Single Ladies”? … Really? – Pastor’s ring tone selection #FAIL.!

THINK before you Billboard

This was too good not to post.  Apparently somewhere out west, the American Humanist Association had a billboard put up in the name of enlightened rationalism.  The tagline was "THINK before you believe".  But there was this big, irresistible void in the bottom left of the layout ... and some local Christian students just couldn't resist.  So they printed and pasted the banner you see in the picture.  Now, I'm not saying I endorse vandalism, but if my boys did something like this, I'd be very, very proud.

Book List [What I've been reading lately]

you are what your mind eats ...

Teaching with her Fists

Yesterday, my wife showed me the news story of the Florida teacher who "punched" her student.  Okay, ... I can't help but rant for a minute.  Please ... just indulge me - a former teacher - in my uninformed rant.  It was deeply disturbing.  Not because she punched him - but because she had to - because it escalated to that level - and most of all, because the rest of the class just stood there and watched it happen.  In true "millenial" fashion, someone found enough time to video the whole thing via cellphone, but not step in to restrain this kid who was bullying his teacher ... his FEMALE teacher ... his almost a foot shorter FEMALE teacher. 

Pastor, Help! My son wants to get a tattoo!

This is a common scenario across the nation - especially in our more Evanjellycal circles. When dealing w/ this situation, we've got to get a bit of perspective. The strongest argument against your teenager getting a tattoo is that it's a really dumb idea ... and that pretty much settles it. Getting into a hermeneutical tangle over "cuttings and markings for the dead" in Leviticus probably won't prove to be the most productive way to argue, at least not at the beginning [So are you telling me I'm not allowed to wear shirts that are a cotton/poly blend now too? Or maybe you want me to stop shaving the corners of my beard?]. The principle contained in the passage should eventually be understood.  The fact that your body is not your own does eventually need to be addressed.  Gnostic assumptions about the faith and misguided attempts at "relevance" should all be dealt with.  But really, the bottom line here is the 'folly factor'.  Because the issue really boils down to aesthetics, we should cut to the chase and go straight there. Here's a helpful - if pragmatic - counterexample:


Imagine that - instead of the tattoo thing - all of your friends were rushing out to buy the same kind of custom-printed graphic tee shirts ...

Taste and See ...

"I can tell you at once that nothing you touch today will have more suffering, bloodshed, and woe attached to it than the innocuous twin pillars of your salt and pepper set."

- Bill Bryson, from his chapter on the history of the Western diet in At Home

IMAGINE ... Postmillenialism

As many of you [well - okay - both of my readers] may know, my eschatology is from that row in the garden with 'postmil' sharpied on the Popsicle stick.  It used to be the standard pre-trib, pre-mil variety, but after years of Reformed teaching and a growing familiarity with the Psalms as sung and read in worship at church and home, I find myself optimistic for the very long-term.  I respect others who differ, but agree that among friends, laughable ideas ought to be laughed at ... at least every once in a while.  So in the spirit of giving ideas their due, here's a funny little rendition of John Lennin's lyrically-horrific song, Imagine, that we whipped together for the St. George's Festival hosted by All Saints Church at Lancaster this weekend.  There is a video of me singing it somewhere out there, so maybe I'll post that at some point too.

Imagine there's no rapture;
no Left Behind;
no Harold Camping;
no Thief in the Night;
Imagine all the steeples filling the landscape ...

Imagine no Hal Lindsey;
it's easy if you try [go on and try];
no Jack Van Impe;
no unmanned airplanes in the sky;
Imagine Jesus' kingdom, going all the way ...

You may say I'm a dreamer, a mini Keith Mathison.
I hope some day you will join us, in a right reading of The Revelation.

You may say I'm a dreamer, like that old Doug Wilson,
I hope some day you will join us, cuz the Lamb will overcome.

Quote de jour

Someone once asked me what I thought of seeker-sensitive services. I said that as long as they’re part of martyr-friendly churches, that’s fine.


-Ken Myers

International Hobbit Day

Not sure who gets to decide such a thing, but yesterday I happened to notice that my co-worker's wacky calendar marked today as 'Hobbit Day'.  Just wanted to pass that along.  Happy Hobbit Day, everybody.  Maybe a good excuse to pull out the old volume and read a few pages to the kids [like you needed an excuse].

Quote du jour

"The real world, contrary to what a lot of people on the political left think, is not the Olympic skating championships."

-Tom Clancy